Like a lot of things, I’ve been slow at updating this. Truth be told, I’m a bit surprised I’m still here!
I just finished another novel, this time taking quite a bit longer than previously, but sometimes that’s the way it goes. I went through several phases of interruptions early on in November when I first started it, which delayed progress quite a bit. It’s very easy to lose track of something when you’re not constantly working on it, and in my case it often results in eventual disinterest. Taking a few days off is a sure way for me to lose momentum and become bored with the subject, so I try to avoid that if at all possible. Unfortunately, that tends to result in some pretty wild back and forth on the part of my health, as the constant drive for progress can be debilitating. It’s a difficult balance to get right.
As I’ve noted many times before, I’m a very introverted person, so I don’t like the constant pull of social media and staying in contact. Even this website, which no one reads, is a chore to update. I’d rather be working on some piece of art, writing a story, or documenting something else than make posts here. It isn’t like I’ve got a lot to talk about, right? I’m a hermit, barely clinging to the living, with hardly any life experience. I was a stable hand growing up, ostracized by my family because I was deaf. I got a cochlear implant to help, but it didn’t. I got a degree to get a job, but it wasn’t enough. I worked for club fed for six years, and they told me I needed to learn to hear better. Since then, I’ve aimlessly drifted, hoping that writing would distract my overactive mind. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t.
The only thing I’m certain of is that I can’t stop. Even if I only do a little bit at a time, I can’t stop being creative. I’m not particularly good at it, but I can’t stop. There’s always some new idea, some different angle, some project to complete. Perhaps, in the end, that will be what kills me. With the way my heart feels, that could very well be my fate.
As my uncle is fond of saying: So it goes.