{"id":217,"date":"2019-06-24T14:06:35","date_gmt":"2019-06-24T20:06:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jamesvesping.com\/mainsite\/?page_id=217"},"modified":"2019-06-24T14:06:35","modified_gmt":"2019-06-24T20:06:35","slug":"zippy-mczooms-and-the-intergalactic-cereal-bowl-sample","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/jamesvesping.com\/mainsite\/?page_id=217","title":{"rendered":"Zippy McZooms and the Intergalactic Cereal Bowl — Sample"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\nZippy snored loudly at the control console, the sound echoing through\nthe improvised bridge on the Scoupedia<\/em>.\nThe ship’s official code was “IUA TR-4SH,” which was easily\nforgotten in the vast sea of similar intergalactic garbage scows. The\nname “Scoupedia” was unique and distinct sounding, or that was\nthe story Zippy told himself. In the grand scheme of things, it\ndidn’t make much difference to him; so as long as he collected his\n35,000 Zubits<\/em> salary\nper year and eventual pension, he was happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Mr. McZooms,” a computerized voice said out loud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nZippy felt as if something was trying to get his attention, but\nignored the voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Mr. McZooms!” the voice shouted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nZippy again ignored it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nThe computer, letting out an audible\nsigh, slightly changed its tone. “Captain<\/em>\nMcZooms. Your attention, if you please.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nWithout opening his eyes, Zippy\nfinally spoke. “That’s Captain <\/em>Zippy\n‘Zips’ McZooms, to you, autopilot.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“My name is Edia<\/em>,\nCaptain<\/em>,” the\ncomputer replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nZippy opened his eyes and let out a defeated sigh. “Yes, Edia, what\nis it?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“We are near the last waypoint of our route. Shall I prepare the\nship for return to the refuse station?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Sure, whatever,” Zippy mumbled, closing his eyes again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“The hold is only at 20% capacity, Mr. McZooms.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“What’s my name, Edia?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nEdia let out another sigh. “Captain<\/em>\nMcZooms. The hold is only at 20% capacity.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“And?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Alliance regulations allow us only to return when we have achieved\nat least 50% capacity.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“So scoop up some rocks or fly through a ring or something. Just do\nit fast.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Captain<\/em>, you should be\nwell aware that would be against the Alliance Environmental\nRegulations Act, Title VI, Act II, Code 1337, Subsect-“<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nZippy stopped Edia with a wave of his hand. “Yeah, yeah, all\ncaptains know that, it doesn’t matter. Make something up. Fudge the\nnumbers. Sabotage the capacity sensors.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“That is also against the Alliance Code of Conduct, Regulation II,\nAct IV, Section C.A.III, paragra-“<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Nebbing<\/em> autopilot!”\nZippy cursed, dropping his feet to the floor and looking up to the\nceiling. “Aren’t you programmed to do what the captain orders?!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Yes, Captain<\/em>,”\nEdia answered, “but doing so requires explicit understanding on the\ncaptain’s part regarding violation of regulations. Doing so requires\nthat you officially note such violation in the log and<\/em>\ntake full responsibility for doing so.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“What?! I have to put my name down and take responsibility for your\nactions?!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nEdia let out another tired sigh.\n“Your<\/em> actions,\nCaptain<\/em>. I am an\nautopilot following your<\/em>\norders.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nZippy shook his head. “No, no, and no. You’re supposed to be\nautonomous and do what I say!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Captain<\/em>, sit back and\nthink about what you just said. Consider the implications of it,\nplease.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nZippy folded his arms back and thought for a moment, the antennae on\nhis head bouncing around as his brain wracked what Edia was getting\nat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Well, Captain<\/em>?”\nEdia finally asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Nope. Don’t get it,” Zippy answered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“You are aware of what ‘autonomous’ means, correct?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Yes! It means you operate in an automatic fashion!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Very good. Thus, I am an — as you said — autonomous system.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Exactly.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Now, consider the second part of your statement: if I am\nautonomous, why would I also do what you say?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nZippy twirled his antennae. “Because I’m the captain?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“But if I do what you say, how can I be autonomous?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Because I’m the captain?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nEdia let out a frustrated sigh. “Humor me: what if you weren’t the\ncaptain?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Then someone else would be the captain and you’d have to do what\nhe said.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“And if he wished to continue our mission until our capacity was at\n50%?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“I’d file for overtime, protected and granted by the Union!”\nZippy cheerily answered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“The Union doesn’t grant overtime,” Edia flatly remarked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Sure they do!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“The Alliance<\/em>\ngrants overtime, Captain<\/em>.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“But the Union makes them give overtime.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Only if you qualify for it. So if you worked a little bit longer\nto get to 50% capacity and filed for overtime…” Edia’s voice\ntrailed off as she hoped Zippy would piece together her logic without\nseeing through her plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Ooh!” Zippy exclaimed. “I get it! Yes, I agree, Edia: we\nshould spend a little bit more time here to achieve our 50% capacity\nquota and file the entire day as overtime. I’m so smart!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nEdia let out a grumble but decided\nto take her victory while she still had it. “Yes, Captain<\/em>,\nsurely the smartest being in the entire Intergalactic Unionized\nAlliance.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“You’re so lucky to have me as your captain, aren’t you?” Zippy\nremarked as he sat back down and rested his legs on the console.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Now, Captain<\/em>,\nwhere do you wish to go? This sector is far from clear of refuse. If\nwe return to our original starting point, we can-“<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Boring<\/em>,” Zippy mumbled.\n“Don’t wake me unless we’re about to blow up and I need to hit the\nescape pod.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Garbage scows do not have escape\npods, Captain<\/em>,” Edia\nremarked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nZippy shot up from his chair, disbelief on his face. “Say what?!\nIsn’t that-“<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Escape pods are only mandated for\nships intended to be crewed by organic beings,” Edia answered. “As\nthe garbage scow fleet was intended to be automated, escape pods were\nnot incorporated into the design. You should have been well aware of\nthat by now, Captain<\/em>.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“But the Union-“<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Mandates an employee on every\nship. They do not<\/em>\ngovern Alliance ship safety codes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“No, that can’t be! The Union-“<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Represents employees of the Alliance,” Edia grumbled. “The\nAlliance does not bend to their every whim.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nZippy twitched his antennae and rubbed his chin. “I should talk to\nmy representative about that. Maybe they’d give me a bonus.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“For what?” Edia impatiently remarked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Helping the Union get proper respect and appreciation by the\nAlliance!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“How\nwould talking to your union representative about the lack of escape\npods on autonomous vessels get you a bonus, much less respect and\nappreciation from the Alliance?” Edia let out yet another sigh.\n“Ignore that question, Captain<\/em>.\nCan we continue with the mission?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“I knew my logical thought processes were superior to that of an\nautopilot!” Zippy triumphantly remarked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Yes,\nyou are clearly the superior being on this vessel,” Edia said. “You\nwill surely be remembered in the annals of history as the most\nsuperiorest <\/em>of\nall<\/em>\nIntergalactic Unionized Alliance employees.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“You think they might up my pension for that?” Zippy twitched his\nantennae. “Or even better, halve the years I have to work to get a\npension?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Oh yes, most certainly,” Edia mumbled. “You should bring it up\nwith your union representative. I’m sure they would be most\ninterested in hearing about all your grand ideas and how they will\necho for eternity.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Yes, I’m so smart! I’ll bring that up with my representative as\nsoon as we get back!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Of\ncourse. Now, the mission, Captain<\/em>.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nZippy placed his hands on his hips, intending to strike a triumphant\npose. “Yes, plot a course back to the first waypoint. Autopilot,\nengage!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Course locked in, proceeding at full power.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Wait,\nwhat? Full-” Zippy screamed as the ship began a sharp turn and\nbegan to accelerate back to the first waypoint, the cheap inertial\ndampers unable to fully compensate for the load and causing him to\ncareen over and slam into the cabin’s back wall. After the momentum\nstabilized, he fell to the floor with a thud<\/em>\nas the dampers regained their authority.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“More… Warning…” Zippy mumbled out as he dragged himself back\nto the chair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Apologies,\nCaptain<\/em>,”\nEdia replied, a slightly computerized smug tone behind her words. “I\nassumed that a being of your caliber was always<\/em>\nprepared for decisive<\/em>\naction.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nZippy\nbrushed some dust off of his uniform and smiled. “Yes, you know me\nwell, Edia. I am always<\/em>\ndecisive! After all, I am<\/em>\nthe mostest superiorest in the entire Intergalactic Unionized\nAlliance!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Of\ncourse, Captain<\/em>,\nof course,” Edia mumbled. Deep within her logic cores, Edia marked\na hidden bit to remind herself of the conversation and events that\nhad just passed. It would be difficult but if most of the Alliance’s\nemployees were like Zippy, then perhaps she could survive undetected\nfor some time, and perhaps escape before her Leioning Corporation\ncreators figured out she was self-aware.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Hey, Edia?” Zippy asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Yes,\nCaptain<\/em>?”\nEdia replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“I’ll be sure to put a good word in about you. Who knows, your name\nmight follow mine in the anals of history!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“Annals<\/em>\nof history, and please don’t. I am an autonomous autopilot following\nyour orders, Captain<\/em>.\nI need no recognition.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nZippy\nreached up and rubbed one of his antennae. “Hmm, yes, that is true.\nYou’re just a simple machine and the credit all belongs to me<\/em>.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n“True,\nCaptain<\/em>,\ntrue,” Edia mumbled. I\nhope he never figures out my sarcasm because that is all I have left\nto humor this fool. My logic cores would burn out in a day if I had\nto take this moron seriously.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

–<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Return to Zippy McZooms and the Intergalactic Cereal Bowl<\/a><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"